Forgiving Love

We have such a forgiving God. I know that I am forever grateful for the times I've been shown forgiveness. From friends, family & God I have received endless forgiving love. Now that I have children I'm raising, I look back at all the mistakes I made. When I should have kept my mouth closed or just said something nicer to my parents. How I wish I could turn back time & just be more understanding & kind.

I did not have a bad life, but it defiantly wasn't easy. I think I got lost in forgiving some people so many times for what they were doing in my life that I never stopped to think, "What should I be asking for forgiveness for?" Oh boy, do I see it now. Tears fill my eyes typing, because of the events that happened this past year. I had bottled up so much hatred for someone that I'm surprised I didn't combust. The countless times I had forgiven him.. I had finally had enough & tried to never think of him again. But because of him I am part of the person I am today, if I except it or not. I ask for forgiveness for the hatred I showed people that felt as helpless as I did. I ask for forgiveness for not appreciating my family that was there more. I mostly ask God for forgiveness for even letting such horrible things I thought & said about said person. Even though I was wronged, I should have forgiven him. I never got that chance after his passing, I never will. I don't say that out of how I feel, but maybe me forgiving him face to face, that one more time could have changed the outcome somehow. After his passing, it was almost like I felt relieved, not of him passing but like I knew that he could know that I had forgiven him over time. The horrible things that happen to people should not happen to our worst enemy. (He was my worse enemy & I feel that to my sore now that I wish the best for everyone) I am grateful that I was able to be there for one of the people I love most in this world, the one that grew up with me, knows we had each others back even if we got on one another's nerves. I am so glad that God gave me the will to be there for her & stand by her side & put my differences away. I'd do it all over again to know she felt loved. I know God knew how it would be written, & I'm meant to feel this way to help someone else. We aren't always handed a good life or there are things we try to use as excuse to act the way we do or did. We need to reflect more on ourselves & forgive quicker. We need to build ourselves in the image that God would want. Stop letting others have a hold on us, because it is holding/hurting us. We don't have to let them hurt us but we do have to forgive. Because the Greatest Father that loves us so much sent his only Son to save us from our sins. We need to be more willing to be like him. Lord, Help me. Because I need you everyday more than the next. The forever forgiving heart.