After the Holidays

Woah! Does anyone else already ready for summer?? Because these past couple weeks seemed to be the longest & fastest weeks of the year. 

I want to start this with stating that on November 19th, Max got saved at church! My heart is overjoyed & GLORY to GOD! Max is such a great man & now he is washed in the blood of Jesus. Our oldest is also asking all the questions that could be leading him to being saved as well.

My oh my. How the Lord is working in our lives. We constantly slip & slide but He loves us anyways. Oh how these weeks have been tough. I feel like I've taken ten steps backwards, I've been letting stress & old emotions take over. But having God has helped, but because of my laziness I am paying for the aftermath. Why after all God does for us do we take it for granted & don't even notice it till its done with? To say the Holidays bring out another side of me is a understatement. It's gotten worse throughout the years, maybe the magic of Christmas goes away the older you get? I don't know. I don't believe that's it. It isn't that I don't like anything to do with them, I love seeing my kids being excited but it is also exhausting! Why must there be so much going on at once... But its the internal feelings that eat me alive. Feeling like I'm a burden for not being as happy as everyone else, am I going to be the reason my kids don't enjoy the holidays..? So I push through, doing things that I like but don't bring me joy. Its almost like my body & mind are in two different places & they never catch up till after New Years. I stay tired & in my head I keep saying "just be happy, why aren't you happy. You don't have anything to be ungrateful for or sad about.." & I know that I am blessed beyond belief. This year I spoke up about how I was feeling & It helped but still the same internal feelings came. Now I notice where I messed up. In all the craziness, I never asked God to help me through it. Yes, I prayed my short little prayers that I do randomly. But I didn't take individual time with God. I didn't bible study like usual, didn't thank God in depth for all I have & bonder on the things that mattered the most for MY mental health. I should have no matter what took the time to give God his individual time like He deserves. He deserves to be praised everyday, not just when we get time, not only when we finally have peace of mind. God is our peace of mind, He is our Savior in all aspects of life. He is the reason & He should be in EVERY season. 

My new goal this year is to ask. "You have not because you ask not" James 4:2-3. (Probably heard this list from Steve Harvey) We decided to as a family, make a list of all the things we would like to notice with Gods grace throughout this year. I want to add things everyday as small or as big as they come. I want to see God in our lives everyday not just when I physically see it or feel 100%. I need to be thankful even when I'm not mentally okay. Even when I feel like a burden, even when its the most stressful time. Take the time with God. Free my mind of all the other things going on no matter what else needs to be done & just BE.